Chris' Tumblr

Apr 16

“It’s a frustrating beverage designed for frustrated people.” —

For Masochists, Here’s Some Hops-Flavored Soda (via theatlanticcities)

  1. Whomever wrote this piece for the Atlantic seems to hold my view on hops, namely that their overuse in craft beer is fucking ridiculous and ruining craft beer. If you want a hoppy beer, drink an IPA and enjoy the hell out of it. But how about we don’t over-hop our hefeweizens and porters and stouts and lagers and pilsners and every other fucking type of goddamn beer that wasn’t overhopped until a bunch of fucking hipster douchebags decided they wanted to make beer because Wil Wheaton made it “cool”? (N.B. Technically, I blame Sam Adams for the overuse of hops…must be all those fucking beans they eat in Boston that dulls their goddamn tastebuds.)
  2. For the non-beer drinkers who might drink wine, here’s my SAT analogy: beer : overhopped beer :: tannic wine : eating a fucking banana peel
  3. Are you fucking kidding me? Take the nastiest thing about beer and make it into a non-alcolholic drink? Smart. Perhaps next, we can take milk and let it sit for six weeks in a peat bog so it can take on the smoky undertones of scotch.
  4. Be a goddamn grownup and drink a fucking non-alcoholic drink if you want a non-alcoholic drink (the marketing justification from the makers of this vile brew is that they’re targeting people with the maturity of newborns.)

Rant off.

(via coyotesqrl)

(via coyotesqrl)

Apr 14


ListServe Meltdown

I subscribe to an email list that announces upcoming entries in a monthly series of industry webinars.

This morning, instead of following the instructions in the email about who to contact with questions, one person simply hit reply and wrote that he was having problems registering for the upcoming webinar. That reply went out to everyone on the email list.

Chaos ensued.

Someone else replied that they were having the same problem. Others replied that they were getting these replies and they didn’t understand why. People started telling everyone to stop replying. Someone in charge of the list said that he didn’t understand what was happening, but that he was going to investigate. More people replied to say they were getting other people’s replies. Someone suggested that people should use the unsubscribe link in the original email to stop getting emails. People then tried to unsubscribe by replying and saying “Please unsubscribe me” or some variant of that. More replies of people saying they were getting all the replies. Lots of yelling to stop replying.

The current totals in the broad categories of responses are:

I desperately want to chime in with some nonsense to keep this going, but I know that clients are on this list. *sadface*

Apr 13

Opening Day.
All is right in the world.

Opening Day.

All is right in the world.

Apr 11


This morning I had a meeting out at a bridge that we’re going to be replacing. When I arrived at the site, there was a Canada goose flopping about in the road, right at the bridge. It had obviously been hit by a car and couldn’t stand up. It’s uncaring goose friends were off grazing on the grass on the side of the road, leaving it to fend for itself. 

I was the first one to arrive for the meeting, and I didn’t want to stand there for an hour watching it flail helplessly in the roadway while other cars just drove around it, so I put on my safety vest, picked it up, and put it on the side of the road. Now I could stand there for an hour and watch it flail helplessly on the grass. Except that when it’s goose friends walked down a short patch away from the bridge to the river I had the bright idea to bring the goose over there so that it could rest (and eventually die) in a more peaceful spot. And I wouldn’t be able to see it.

When I put the goose down at the water’s edge, though, it clearly wanted to go into the water. It was flailing it’s wings and stretching, but just couldn’t move, so I picked it up again and put it in the water. That seemed to calm it down, and it managed to work it’s way out to be with its friends.

I forgot about the dam spillway, though.

The dam is right next to the site, and I facepalmed as the current started to grab the goose, which clearly couldn’t swim against the force. About a minute later, it went over the spillway. It survived the fall, which was only a few feet high, but instead of continuing to follow the current downstream it got caught in the eddies at the bottom and struggled to stay afloat as the falling water tossed it around. I decided that I couldn’t watch and walked away. But when I checked back a few minutes later, it was gone. I don’t know if it finally got out of the eddies or if drowned.

So that was my good deed of the day.

Apr 10

Describe your last fart using only a movie title













The Day The Earth Stood Still

Apocalypse Now


To Kill a Mockingbird 

1492: Conquest of Paradise

swamp thing

There Will Be Blood

The Wind That Shakes the Barley

The Truman Show

The Limits of Control

Enemy At The Gates.

There Will Be Blood


The Dead Zone

My boss just told me that because we were a sponsor for that terrible conference we went to last week, we’ve been invited to take a survey on our opinion of it.

But he won’t let me be the one to respond to it. So why did he tell me about it?! He’s just taunting me, that’s why. Bastard.

He’ll probably use constructive criticism couched in positive reinforcement language. No one responds to that nonsense.

Begone already!

Begone already!

Our Marketing Director has taken to using Constant Contact for sending out internal company announcement emails.

I don’t know why. These emails are clearly for employees only, so it’s not like she’s copying the content from an email to clients.

I’m soooooooo tempted to click the SafeUnsubscribe link.

Apr 08

Norwood residents vote to change ‘Winter Recess’ back to ‘Christmas Recess’ -


This was such an important issue that the town needed to have a ballot question about it?

I wonder if there was a write-in option. I would have voted “This is so fucking stupid”.

Apr 06

Repeated bee stings for science -


Scientists have, throughout history, taken some ridiculously insane risks, and endured much pain, in the name of science.  For instance, we’ve talked previously about John Stapp, human crash-test dummy, Werner Forssman, who stuck a catheter into his own heart, and Stubbins Ffirth, who ate human vomit to better understand the contagiousness of yellow fever.  

It turns out that this tradition of risk in the name of science is alive and well today!  As Ed Yong reports at Not Exactly Rocket Science, a graduate student put his own unmentionables on the line to study exactly how painful bee stings can be:

Read the whole thing, and try not to wince!  I can’t help but imagine the research went something like this.


Apr 04

So that was a waste of time

So I ended up spending a day and a half at that engineering conference. It was fucking awful.

Why? Primarily because structural engineers lack the gene that enables people to give effective presentations. It’s an evolutionary quirk. I’d explain it to you in a little more detail, but sadly, I lack the gene myself.

The conference featured an enormous number of presentations that generally fell into one of three categories:

I tried to mainly attend the case study presentations. These have the most potential to be directly relevant to my work. Sadly, they are often presented by people with absolutely no public speaking ability. And when you combine the inability to speak publicly with a person to whom English is a second language and thus heavily accented, the result is often a monotonous unintelligible series of word-like sounds interrupted by periodic “ums”. And sometimes the project has been designed but not yet constructed, so the innovative method that is the focus of the case study is still really just theoretical.

I try my best to stay away from the academics. These are invariably painful yawners with no practical applications. This was confirmed when there were no better options and I reluctantly sat in on one. Stick-a-fork-in-my-eye bad.

I sat in on a few of the non-engineers presenting on business topics. These people were better speakers, but their presentation content absolutely sucked. I sat through three of these consecutively, and I have no idea what any of them were trying to convey. They had no point. And they were spouting the most rudimentary stuff and trying to pass it off as paradigm-changing insight. Did you know that you should prioritize your tasks by doing the most important ones first?

At lunch today, we discovered that the ticket package we purchased did not include tickets for the buffet lunch that was being provided in the exhibition hall. We were told it would cost an additional $45 per person. For a sandwich buffet. In an exhibition hall. Set in amongst the various exhibition booths staffed with vendors promoting their concrete anchors, reinforcing bar couplers, and computer modelling programs. We went next door to Legal Sea Foods and had a great lunch for $20.

The swag sucked. Usually at these conferences the exhibitors do all they can to hand out as much branded crap that they can. Not this time. Most of the booths were giving out nothing but brochures. If I wanted to read about your product I’d go to your web site. Don’t give me a fucking brochure. What is this, the ’90s? I managed to grab a few pens and a water bottle, but that was pretty much it.

The best thing about this conference was his teeny bottle of Tobasco Sauce that I swiped from the table at breakfast because it was so damn cute.


And I don’t even use Tabasco Sauce.

Apr 03

Hey Tumblr,
Thanks for taking 13 hours to finally put up that last post I tried to make from your app. Kind of ruined the joke.

Day. Ruined.

Day. Ruined.

Apr 02